Thursday, February 17, 2011

Not that I didn't believe in things worth some attention, I disregarded my own conscious attempt at being a rational towards a complex emotion called Love. As gay as it may seem, or as jazzy it may, the association of the word Love with a Male has been ridiculed to the likes of a Gaylord. Well, I sure do second that ridicule when your out there on social networking websites looking at the 'Gayest' love quotes guys come up with. But there's always a better side. The real side.

Maybe a couple of years back, I saw myself slowly coming out of a very diligent quicksand of Infatuation and presumptuous true love. It couldn't be descried simple, but at the same time it wasn't hard. I had been swarming around the quicksand, looking for gold almost for four years. With all the hope and positivity. But things didn't work out, And you have to come out. I always imagined breaking down at the plight of having to come out of that quicksand. And when that time really came, It wasn't hard. And it was only because I had someone to pull me out of it. She gave me her hand. And I took it.

It's been a year, and I haven't been able to decide if I have ever been so happy with my life before. I knew her since high school. And back then, she was that class friend who would sit with your group at local restaurants and gossip about college shrewdness. And then soon, when I came to Grad School, I started meeting her more often and started spending a lot of my phone balance on her. Somehow, I started liking it. Liking the fact that I had a Best Friend to confide in. But you never know, and you never will, how that eventually turns out to be an emotion filled with complexity and happiness of mutual understanding and trust, which we call love.

Honestly I never knew when it happened. Nor does she. And it's not important too. The beauty is , the life we have today couldn't get better with the circumstances that prevail. She's always there with me. During the highs, the lows, the normals and all that. I couldn't ever connect with the thought of experiencing eternal bliss every time you meet the person you love. And quite surprisingly, today I totally fit in that bracket. I can't have a day without talking to her, or thinking about her. It's into my system , and I feel great about it.

I know, it sounds cliche, but the best part is- that's how it is! If you haven't experienced it yet, one day you will, and you'll know , there's nothing gay, or cliche about it. But it's the best possible feeling you can have.

There's nothing called as true love, but yes there's definitely something called as Loving truly. And I love her truly. Honestly, the existence of "made for each other" is exclusively confined to Romance Novels. We could have given it a pass and not considered being in a feeling of absolute purity. But we made it work. We made it happen for us, and today we respect the relationship we have. And I know, we'll always.

Tanvi, I really don't care if people think this blog post has been cheekily gay and nonsensically romantic, because this post has been solely dedicated to you. You have made my world a better place to live in. You are my Music and my Lyrics. And after all the women in my family, I respect you the most. You are a life that I can't loose. You are happiness, love, trust, and above all, my best friend.


Sunday, October 24, 2010

Miles away from life.

The thoughts about reality and confusion have played a very symbiotic role in my head. *I start panting*. The main purpose of any revelution has been to condemn the facts about reality and inspire the demons and other devils to build the confusion among the defendent. *My legs start to wobble*. Weird ideals and principles we believe, I thought. And presumably I was an integral part of the cliche. I never realized I had to break out and understand about the changing universe. I percieved life the way they said it was 'reality', and at the time when I didn't want to accept the circumstance- I denied reality, and the devils came in to build the confusion yet again. It was indeed weird. To be precise, it was scary. *I start slowing down* . The amazing integration of the brain cells, and the beauty in which the world got crafted was more scary. Scary enough to get amazed. Scary enough to know about the existance of a power capable enough to crush you to pieces. *Panting* ... Reality works everytime when there's no confusion...*Panting* ...Its not.. *I stop. I can't go on*

*And there my mind stops working. I stop thinking, understanding and making a huge mess out of philosophy. I fall down on my knees. I can't open my eyes. I start gasping for breath. The sweat trickles down my temples. i see sweat drops falling on the tar road. I wait to regain the rational part in me. I pull myself up. I open my eyes and I see the evening sun falling down the horizon at infinite speed. My breathing slows down and I feel better. I look around and all I see is barren land and a few lonely trees. I soon realize I had been running since morning. I check my pockets. I find a piece of paper. It had something written. I opened it. It read - " 10.20 am"
Suddenly, everything came back. I remembered writing it in the morning before leaving home. I remembered about the terrible life I had. About the miseries, the pain and the depression that always lingered around the circle of happiness. It all came back. Strong.
I started walking back. I started walking slowly. With the least amount of enery required. I smiled. I had never been so detached from life. Where probably even gravity didn't exist. I smiled. I valued the life I had. I valued the pain, the sufferings and the happiness with equal content. Because someday, you'll know that you were very lucky to be alive. To have friends, family, love, strangers and everything that made up your not-so-little world. I felt the lull cold breeze blow into my face. The sun had almost escaped. I felt nostalgic. And the best part was - I didn't know why.

And there I waited. For someone to take me home. Because by then, walking seemed really painful. *


Saturday, June 12, 2010

Don't Lie. Please Don't.

I have wasted precious time asking my own self if the need to know the truth is as important as being happy. And after going through all the lies and deceit that make up a man's unknown sense of triumph, I realized it's better to be happy than to know the truth.
Now, Why is that?
What's with the 'honesty' , 'straight forwardness' and all that ?
Wouldn't it be better to know the truth, even if it's hard? At least I'd know reality!

Really? Are you so sure about reality? Do you compromise your own sense of understanding when it comes to reality? It's all under one sun. And the point -if you don't realize the importance of staying happy then why go after something that will make you even more uncomfortable? Think about it . If you want to know the truth- it's simply inviting complications. Well, here I speak about matters that concern you and your own choice of 'truth'. In certain cases- knowing the truth is important. But that's all global. And to be frank- it doesn't need an opinion. Only what concerns you- and a choice - is what needs scrutiny.
When you can live in an illusion of lies and stay happy- why would you want to change it? if you find a purpose and a reason..then so be it! Finding out what 'really' happened is finding out a way to leave all the happiness behind. When it doesn't change your environment of goodwill, and it doesn't change the relations you strive for, then living with what you know is the best.
Sometimes, accepting it and adjusting (two very different things FYI) becomes a task. But you'll realize by the end of it that what you did made no difference in anything, and anyone. Everything was good, everything is good.

So to come to think of all that was said - does this mean, you never speak the truth? Does it mean lying is the best option? Keeping people away from the real side of stories? ....ask yourself, and you'll get just one answer- No, it doesn't.

As Lenny said in Memento - "Do I lie to myself to be happy? ...Yes I will. "

PS- Who knows, I was probably just lying! =)


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

'Deception Point'ed out!

Swapping through a million News channels to find some REAL news seems like an everyday job. A blast in some major city, or a scam being unfolded- we always want the right news, the one that shows you the correct stuff. Not some tantric baba curing an infant by some magical powers or some cold war in the film industry which never existed. In this whole process of finding the substantial news , we always try to skip the Hindi news channels, because we know all that we'll get from them is yellow news- some which never existed. The English ones- on the other hand seem more presentable to us, don't they? Look again- They seem worse than the Hindi ones.

Most of the so called "we show the real news" English channels just make a mockery out of the real issues which the government looks into. Just because they don't showcase stories about ghosts troubling villages, or a brother slaps another brother and all that, doesn't mean they show you the real stuff. They are a medium which could so easily portray optimism and hope among viewers regarding administration, functioning , entertainment, etc. But all that they really do is , give their own so called rational conclusion and opinion on an action taken by the government which eventually gets proved down to something the government should be 'embarrassed' about, without even actually knowing the practicalities about it.

The Hindi ones are bearable. At least they are jinxed with trash news. Things that wouldn't really make a perception change in society. But the English ones just seem to take up sensitive issues and give out wrong messages. It can NEVER get subjective here, Because when it's about things that make a society... you always have the right and the wrongs. The right, is something which DOES happen in our 'always critized' government, which sometimes is not aired, because they can't get words of appreciation. The wrong- which does happen in our government (in any organization) is blown to a level which seems like a situational crisis for the citizens. Humans are irrational fools. That's how nature made us. it's purely influence and convincing capabilities that change perception and increase knowledge. You never know everything from birth. it's the sense of experience that does. Media- a medium (also, derived from the meaning of medium) to make people believe in a lot of things NEEDS to do the right thing, because they hold power to perception.

I don't deny the fact that there are news stories at times, which actually strike the right note with the people. But this doesn't really seem a regular affair. The wrong ones have always overshadowed.

The usage of a presentable sophisticated news reader , with an accent that came only after the selection- and a news article that is presented in the classiest manner doesn't justify their stance on what they portray. We really need to come out of the grasp of deception.

I sometimes, wish to see the weird babas and saints doing weird things rather than the 'substantial issue deception' because I don't want to be burdened by irrational thoughts. I don't want to have a perception about my country that it's going nowhere, or about corrupt politicians being the ONLY thing in the government.

It might seem i am be cribbing. but read again- all I am doing is realizing that deception is an easy trap for us. The media knows this, but chooses to turn their heads towards the TRP's table. After all, that too is a very important thing in this world of chaos, isn't it?


Thursday, February 11, 2010


Cinema Music in India has evolved more than anything that's remotely close to extinction. The nonsensical sounds of Anu Malik, Nadeem Sharavan have gone away someplace far from humanity and I am more than happy to know that!
Today, with the bunch of super talented Music composers , Indian Cinema Music has redifined itself. It all started back in the 90's by one of the greatest music composers of all times giving away the highly contemporary music of the film Roja. Since then, Indian listeners were opened up to new genres in Cinema music. Today the trend has spread over to almost every Music composer. To name a few (other than AR Rahman) - Shankar Eshaan Loy, Salim-Suleman, Vishal Shekhar, Amit Trivedi , Harris Jeyaraj (for the ones who don't know- The RHTDM fame) have made Cinema music better than ever.
For the ones who don't follow 'hindi' music and believe it to be something cheap to do so, I can't find more sad personalities than them ever. If you really respect music, you'll appreciate it from wherever it comes. And hindi Cinema music is giving out substantial stuff. Following one genre is not wrong, but condemning the other genres to prove the only music is that 'specific' genre you follow is totally wrong.
Sometimes I feel great to have access to so many genres that I have a playlist which has a compilation of almost all genres I know of.
A GOOD hindi film music is considered "What the f*** duuuudddee" at a not-so-cool party. But any C-grade song by some teen girl artiste looking for love in her videos is considered hep in the same party. WTF.
Sometimes, all i want people to do is appreciate good music (especially in the cinema world) because most of the "I want to sound as a European" wanna be's think it's lame. Wherein, it's not.
Be it a Hindi song, or a Tamil song, or a Bengali song, if it's really good..go ahead, appreciate it , and spread the word. Humming "stairway to heaven" in front of your Metal friends or humming "Poker Face" in front of your Hip Hop friends just to impress them, doesn't make you look cool. Seriously.

People sometimes think I am weird to listen to Tamil music, when I don't even understand the lyrics. Well, if i was looking for meaningful lyrics, I would have heard hindi ghazals. Somehow, lyrics have never done the trick for me.

I am proud to say I can love Deep Purple and Harris jeyaraj in the same musical space in my head. It's not idiotic. It's just liking what you actually like.

I don't care what people think of this post. But what I really care for is, appreciating good music, more than confining your fanaticism for a particular genre.

"Music is purely subjective"


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Stop being the idiot! (pun unintended)

Indian Cinema has come a long way from what it was like back in the 70's and the 80's. I don't follow much of the regional films in our country, so I would stick to the Hindi Film Industry.
Today i see a lot of quality in Hindi Films. I see meaning, freshness, goodwill and everything that I longed for whenever I used to see any hindi movie almost a decade back. To start naming, It would take a lot many years to name all the good movies in Hindi that have come in the recent past. But I'll name a few ( the ones that are on my mind right now.Not necessarily the most favorites.) - Swades, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na, 3 Idiots, Luck By Chance, Rock On, etc. What really appeals is the freshness that comes out of these films. There's a sense of postivity. Technically, they are near perfection. One thing that connects all these films is a 'strong' screenplay. (Does not mean a realistic one). The script and the screenplay is very powerful and the most important factor to have made the film a very big success. If you believe it was getting superstars to make it good- JTYJN proved you wrong. If you thought it was realism to have made it good- 3 Idiots proved you wrong. All you need is a strong script and it's equivalent screenplay. Given the dedication and the effort- the film's on it's way to become a very good one.
For all those who believe watching hindi movies is not 'cool' or , speaking about world cinema leaving out your own cinema make you a very good movie buff. Think again, your own country's film scenario has improved substantially (yeah- we still do lack from Hollywood, but that's not something to be sad about). Watching hindi movies has not made you any less cooler. Only neglecting it has.

I sometimes really don't understand when people say -" the film was boring because it was predictable" e.g- Wake up sid. One question-What were you expecting? a thriller?
Sometimes, films are supposed to be taken at face value, not because they don't go deep...but because they make you feel pleasant, and that's why it's so good. Wake up Sid was one of those feel-good films, and that's how you take it. Same goes for 3 Idiots. No point trying to prove your stance right by saying -'how can a dead infant be brought back by saying aal iz well. All you need to have is an open mind and not get confined to think- a movie works only if showcases realism. Sorry. I am not buying that.

Stop being an idiot, and start acknowledging what's right. It's more cool that way! =p


Friday, December 11, 2009

I decided to write again, not because i had forgotten about blogging, but i was waiting for bad things to happen which i could pen down. But then, somehow, offlate- life has been pretty much good.

I write this ..for my school. A place where I spent 7 years of my not-so-sad life. Getting up early to the school bus horn, and spending the evenings, figuring out if the homework is worth the effort! Everything seems fun now. That's how it is- once it's over- good or bad- doesn't always seem to miss it. I don't miss my school much. Not because I didn't like it or anything, but then I want to see those 7 years of my life as a time which were so special that it would deplete it's value by reliving it. I want to look back at my life and remember those school days ..only to tell myself that I am proud to have had a beautiful childhood.
If going to school for Sports Day can make me drown in nostalgia, so be it... I am ready to drown.